Adventures of Homer Fink by Sidney Offit

Author:Sidney Offit
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781504036146
Publisher: Open Road Distribution
Published: 2016-03-05T05:00:00+00:00

14

“If you want to do something for me,” Homer Fink said to Katrinka, “please do not shield the light.”

“You can come out now, Homer,” she said. “You’re safe.”

Homer’s knees were pressed close to his chin and his shoulders rolled forward. He blinked his eyes, and as Phillip Moore helped him to his feet he had great difficulty straightening himself.

“You look wretched,” said Katrinka. “How you must have suffered.” Katrinka liked that idea and she brushed Homer’s hair back from his forehead.

“Move slowly. Don’t take it too fast,” Phillip Moore advised. “Your muscles have to get used to action again.”

Homer Fink tried to raise his arms and his back was hunched. But he was smiling and seemed tremendously satisfied. “Absolutely remarkable. An incredible experience.”

I explained to Homer that we had been looking for him all afternoon and I told him what had happened to Little Louie. Homer was more concerned with telling us about a Greek philosopher.

“If I hadn’t remembered Diogenes I would never have thought of hiding in a barrel.”

Katrinka asked if Homer wanted a drink of water, and Phillip Moore was interested in finding out if Homer had a Charley horse.

“Diogenes tried to live his life with the barest essentials,” Homer went on. “That way he was able to think without distraction about the governing of men. You know it works.”

“As close as you were to the school cafeteria, you should have some terrific ideas on the hot-lunch menu,” I said.

“I am definitely going to recommend that every student at P.S. 79 spend an hour a week in a garbage can,” Homer announced.

“I have some of my most meaningful thoughts when I’m in the bathtub,” said Katrinka.

Homer managed to straighten his back and he was moving his arms freely now. “I owe it all to you, Richard. It was you who catapulted me into the girls’ yard and sent me soaring into unexplored regions of contemplation.”

“I was only trying to protect you from Mr. Muncrief,” I admitted. “Little Louie is in real trouble. Because of him, the boys are going to have calisthenics at recess tomorrow.”

“I was hoping we would have time to go over my nominating speech this afternoon,” Phillip Moore told Homer.

Homer flailed his arms and tried to run. “What we must do is create an army of young people all over the world who are willing to spend a little time in garbage cans.”

“I’d take it slow introducing garbage cans into your campaign,” I said.

“Are you sure the world is ready for you?” said Katrinka.

“It’s not important to win every time,” Homer told us.

Phillip Moore was anxious to get down to business. It was easy to see why he always made A’s for homework. He started to tell Homer his ideas about the United Nations fighting poverty, but Homer no longer thought the peace organization was adequate. The experience in the barrel had inspired a new approach. Homer Fink had visions. “Students from Calcutta to Caracas, Peking to Peoria, London to Leopoldville will exile themselves in barrels to contemplate truth and justice.

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